


I won't let you go

by kittys_devil



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Lambliff Big Bang 2011, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-28 15:40:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittys_devil/pseuds/kittys_devil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy has had a crappy life, shipped from one parent to another. When his grandma gets involved things go from bad to worse until he finds himself in juvy. He is there to do his time and get out, he never planned on Adam showing up and changing everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I won't let you go

**Author's Note:**

> **Link to art master post:[here](http://glambini.livejournal.com/8789.html) **
> 
> **Author's notes:** I can not thank enough for this amazing idea when suddenly my muse went blank!! I could have never done this without a lot of hand holding from my wifey ! And of course amazing beta work and hand holding from and .  Thank you to for pre-reading my rambles! And most of all thank you to everyone who believed I could write this when I really thought I would never write again. 
> 
> The title comes from Rascal Flatts I Won't Let You Go.  You can hear it [here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fqPcnuVPR8)

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They’ve always hated him. He never belonged to either one of them. They passed him around like he was property, not their child. Tommy’s mom kept him from his dad for the first five years of his life. His grandparents told him stories about how his dad had to fight to prove that Tommy was his, not like there was any denying it. Tommy looked just like his dad. At least, he did before he dyed his hair.

He flipped back and forth between the two houses; he’d spend every other weekend at his mom’s house and the rest of the time at his dad’s house. When Tommy was ten, his mom decided she didn’t want him coming around anymore; she had her new family with her new husband. Tommy missed his little sister the most, and even though she was quite a bit younger, he was really close to Jessie. Tommy was just glad that his grandparents on his mom’s side still wanted him around.

Tommy met Casey after he officially started living with his dad. Tommy found him hiding in the back of the playground. Casey and Tommy bonded right away. No matter how much the school tried to keep them apart, it never happened, they were brothers from the start. Casey was always up to no good, but that was what made him so much fun. Casey was the daring one, Tommy was the brains. Tommy was smart when he wanted to be. He usually didn’t use his intelligence in a productive way; at least that was the bullshit his teachers fed him.

When Tommy was fourteen, his mom had a change of heart or something. She wanted him around to play family,  
make her look like the good mother that she wasn’t. At least this way he got to see Jessie more, but that didn’t last long. His mom and her husband ran off to Texas when he was fifteen. They left Jessie with his Mom’s parents and Tommy with his dad. They ran for the drugs, abandoned everything they had for the perfect high when his mom heard that there was some amazing shit there. Tommy was glad when he heard that his step dad came to his senses and came back for Jessie.

Tommy spent more time at Casey’s house than his own. Plus Casey’s dad was fucking awesome; he owned the tattoo and piercing shop downtown. Tommy was dying to work there when he was old enough.

Tommy and Casey got daring about a year before they were juniors in high school. Casey ‘borrowed’ a bunch of studs and his dad’s piercing gun. Casey’s dad said it was a practice gun, so he wasn’t going to miss it anyway. Tommy still remembered how nervous he was when Casey wanted to try it on him first.

 _“I’m telling you, Tommy, it’s gonna look fucking awesome!” Casey smiled with his ‘I know what I’m talking about’ look._

 _“You sure?”_

 _“Yes! Have all the girls after you, looking all bad ass! C’mon, let me do it! It’ll be fast!”_

 _“Okay, let’s do this.” Tommy mumbled as he sat down next to Casey, feeling a little nervous. Tommy’s skin buzzed as Casey put in the first hole in hoping that these would impress Jared more than some chick that only wants him for his dick._

Casey put five holes into Tommy’s ears that day, but he loved how they looked. After that, Casey and Tommy started to spend a lot more time at the shop. They followed Rocky around the most. He was an idol to two punk kids; tattoo artist during the day and rocking with his band at night. It took a few weeks, but finally they convinced Rocky to do a single edge knife on Tommy’s forearm. Tommy was hooked as soon as it started and couldn’t wipe the grin off his face when it was done.

His grandma was so pissed when he came home with them. She spent thirty minutes yelling about it, but his dad didn’t say shit. His dad never said anything about what Tommy did or how he acted, his dad was just there. His Aunt Brenda had more to say about how he was irresponsible, never thought about the future and he was just a heathen. Just like always, Tommy just stood there and took it, not paying attention to a word they were saying. Tommy went to his room after and blared Manson full blast ignoring all the screams from his grandma to turn it down. Tommy let the music take him away, pretending he was anywhere but there.

Tommy started to spend more and more time with Casey. Being at home was like being in prison. Sometimes he felt like he couldn’t even piss without having to announce it to the nosey bitch that ran the house. He knew he didn’t have to worry about what she said when he was eighteen, not that he did worry much then, but until he was legal, he had to at least tolerate her.

Tommy’s grandma started to threaten that she was going to change the locks after that because she didn’t like what he was doing, how he was behaving. Told him she didn’t want that behavior in her house. All Tommy did was roll his eyes at her. After hearing it on a weekly basis, it got old really fast. It wasn’t like he was going to listen to what she had to say anyways. Tommy was his own boss; he had been for a while. It wasn’t like his dad cared too much. And his mom still was in rehab most of the time. Tommy only saw her when she was sober and wanted to play the perfect happy family.

The more time that Tommy spent at Casey’s house, the more Casey’s dad put them both to work. He was no longer just some kid hanging out. They were cleaning out the garage one day and stumbled upon a box of fireworks up on a top shelf, forgotten from a July fourth celebration a few years back. Casey and Tommy’s eyes light up with mischief when they saw the box. They stuck it up to Casey’s room for later that night.

They snuck out after everyone was asleep and headed out to the woods with a lighter they stole and the box of firecrackers. At first it was just lighting them and throwing them to go off. It would make just enough noise to piss off the old ladies that lived in the houses on the edge of the trees. They heard the sirens going off and they ran back to Casey’s house laughing together.

The fireworks led to blowing up bottles. There were many late nights when they would toss one in a mail box and run. They would hide a few houses down watching the pissed off owner come out looking for them. They thought they were never going to get caught.

Mr. Beatty was supposed to be out of town for the weekend. Tommy and Casey figured he was an easy target. They had no idea that his plans had cancelled and that he would be on his way home. The minute they threw the bomb in his mailbox, he pulled into the driveway. Mr. Beatty called the cops who were waiting for the boys by the time they got back to Casey’s house.

A night in juvy and community service had sucked, but they both knew it could have been worse. Tommy was just glad his dad has managed to get him out of there; his grandma had threatened to leave him in there until his court date happening three weeks later.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divideroneline.png)  
School started a few weeks after his court date and by the second week of class; Tommy got pulled out of study hall. He was a fucking senior, biding his time until graduation in June. Study hall was for sleeping, not for much more, but no; his teachers had this great idea after his grandma contacted the school about all the trouble he had been getting into during the summer. It was a bunch of lies and bullshit. Of course they believed her over him. Fucking bitch was messing up his life again. They had all gotten together and decided it was ‘save Tommy Joe time this year’. All of his teachers, even the asshole of a teacher that didn’t talk to him at all last year because he sucked so bad at shop joined in. Tommy knew it was a bunch of bullshit, all the lines about how worried they were. They were acting like they were best friends. Tommy was never going to open up and tell his teachers shit.  
Of course, because of his pain in the ass grandma, they had to get the fucking school counsellor involved. Every day instead of study hall, he would go meet with him. All Tommy heard was how he needed to work out his feelings and apply himself more in school.

Tommy spent the first month sitting and staring down his instructor, Mr. Randolph, for the entire period. Every day it was the same thing; Tommy would walk in, drop his bag and flop into the chair. He would take the pose staring down Mr. Randolph for forty minutes until the bell rang and released him from his daily hell.

The next month Tommy moved to the couch Mr. Randolph had in his office. He would do the same thing every day; walk in, drop his bag and flop onto the couch. Only this time Mr. Randolph would lecture him about proper school attire, proper school attitude, proper school attendance and so much bullshit that Tommy’s mind would wander. Tommy got really good at planning out bass lines in his head and sleeping with his eyes open. Mr. Randolph thought he was getting through to Tommy when he saw the look of concentration on his face. He had no idea that Tommy was really just focused on the music in his head.

By the middle of the first semester, Mr. Randolph was getting bored with Tommy. Apparently his new project wasn’t working out the way he thought it would. All of Tommy’s teachers were telling him how he should really give this a chance and how it was such a great opportunity.

Tommy had to meet with Mr. Randolph the whole school year. They even brought in his dad and his grandma, thinking that having the adults in his life involved in this, would help change his attitude about everything around him. But just like Tommy knew it would be, the meeting was a disaster. His dad was barely awake the entire time and didn’t say much and his grandma spent the entire time bitching about every little thing that Tommy had ever done wrong in his whole life. Tommy spent that day sulking in the corner, glaring at Mr. Randolph for his fucked up ideas.

Even during the school year Tommy was at Casey’s more than his own. He still went to school when he was at Casey’s house; Casey’s dad made sure of that. That was another one of the rules that Tommy never dared crossing. He was so happy to be someplace other than his house, he wasn’t going to fuck it up by skipping school.

One day when Tommy stopped by the house to get clothes and some music, his grandma was waiting at the top of the stairs for him.

“You’re staying home. You haven’t been here for weeks.”

“Nope, going to Casey’s again.”

“Tommy your home is here. And you aren’t going to keep running around with no rules, doing lord knows what at all hours of the night.”

“You don’t know shit about me. I am going to Casey’s house. Now move.”

“You leave and I’m changing the locks.”

Tommy laughed as he left the house. He knew that would never happen. She should just be happy he was still going to school and not running the streets like she thought.

Tommy was sure his life was stuck in some kind of black hole where time never moved. He was positive that June was never going to get there. He just wanted to be free from school, free from the teachers and most importantly, free from Mr. Randolph, the guidance counselor from hell.

Graduation was boring as shit. Tommy and Casey sat at the back making comments about all the poor saps in tears about how this was the end of an era. They had to stifle their laughter over the speeches, especially when Prissy Kristy got up to give her valedictorian speech. They rolled their eyes when she quoted all the shit their teachers had been telling them all year about how their lives were about to change and how they could make a difference in the world.

Tommy rolled his eyes when he saw his grandma and Aunt Brenda tearing up like they cared so much about him. He saw his dad there, actually paying attention which had surprised him. Well he was paying about as much attention as Tommy was.

As soon as graduation was over, Tommy and Casey took off in Casey’s car to hang out in the wood. They celebrated by getting high and drinking a few beers that they talked Rocky into getting for them for the special occasion.

It was a fucking awesome night. They crawled into Casey’s room just as the sun was coming up still buzzing from the drugs and booze. As Tommy passed out, he figured he would focus on what to do next.

Summer meant freedom to do what he wanted; no curfew, and no requirement to be in school all day. Tommy and Casey were making the most of it. Casey was going to college in the fall and the two boys planned on making the most of their last summer together before everything changed.

Tommy got some shit job working a few hours a week at the gas station around the corner from his house. It sucked, but it got the bitch off his back, plus it gave him money for more important things, like music. He worked crap hours and usually Casey was there for most of his shift, hanging out and making it tolerable.

It didn’t take Tommy long to get sick of his Grandma’s shit. She wanted to know everything. It took Tommy two weeks to convince her that he really had a job and wasn’t just running the streets like she thought. Every time Tommy came in the door or upstairs from the basement, he was bombarded with questions and threats.

Tommy stopped by the house, getting some clothes and a few CDs before heading back to Casey’s house. His dad was passed out in his chair so Tommy took some money from him. It was never a lot, just a little bit to get the shit he needs. He had his job, but he still needed money for food and shit. Tommy had taken some money from his grandparents too, but not much. They seemed to watch him a lot more than his dad did so it was harder to get shit from them, plus they put a fucking lock on their bedroom door, dead-bolting it when they were gone.

Tommy headed off on his bike back to Casey’s house just like always, ignoring the two bitches yelling at him from the kitchen. They were both telling him they were going to change the locks if he didn’t come home that night. Once again she still had the same locks when he came back home.

Tommy always told his dad where he was going. That, of course, didn’t mean that his dad was actually paying attention. He was awake and all, but he still seemed to tune Tommy out like he was just some pest in his life.

Tommy was going to spend the next two weeks at Casey’s house. Casey’s dad had work for them to do around the house. Tommy still had his few hours at the gas station, but it wasn’t much. They were going to do some yard work and painting, Casey’s dad was even going to pay Tommy for his help. Not a lot, but Tommy still appreciated the offer.

Tommy packed his bag up and headed over to Casey’s on Sunday. His grandma was screaming at him to get his ass back into the house.

“Thomas! I don’t know where the fuck you think you’re going. It’s late and you need to get your ass in the house.”

“Fuck off, old lady! Go talk to Dad.”

Tommy took off before listening to what else she had to say.

Tommy’s Aunt Brenda actually called his phone to bitch him out. She told him how he was supposed to respect his elders and a bunch of other shit Tommy didn’t listen to. Tommy told her that his grandma had no say over him and that his dad knew what was going on. His Aunt Brenda just told him his dad was a lazy bum and had no say over what was going on at his Grandma’s house.

Casey and Tommy celebrated getting everything done by going to Junior’s party. His parents were gone for the weekend and he was having a kick ass end-of-the-summer party. The best part was that his parents were loaded and were too stupid to lock up the booze. It was a free for all for everyone there. Tommy grabbed a bottle of jack for him and Casey, and they sat out on the deck doing shots all night.

Brandi spent the whole fucking night trying to crawl into Tommy’s lap. He lost count the number of times he told her to leave him alone. One random fuck eight months ago didn’t mean shit. She was a crappy time anyways; Tommy wasn’t looking to repeat that, plus he would rather hook up with Jared.

  
Tommy and Casey spent most of the next day hung over until they scored some beers from Junior before his parents came home. Tommy headed back to Casey’s house when they left to get his shit before finally heading back home. He hadn’t been there in two weeks and figured he needed to see his dad for a bit. Tommy was still pretty drunk when he got there and realized that his dad had already left for work, not that he cared; he’d just sleep off the alcohol and hangover until his dad got home in the morning. Tommy really just wanted to sleep for the next three days until he had to work again.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider2line.png)  
Tommy pulls his key out as he walks up to the door. He has his back pack on with some clothes. He left most of his shit at Casey’s house in the spare room that has pretty much become his. When Tommy puts his key in the fucking door, it won’t open. He knows he’s not drunk enough that he can’t remember how to open a fucking door. He tries it a few times more and then gives up. He can’t believe the bitch finally changed the locks on him. She didn’t like that Tommy was doing something other than sitting around and listening to her bitch about how he was a worthless kid, so she changed the locks. Tommy goes and raids his grandpa’s tools, looking for something to pry the fucking door open. He still can’t believe that the bitch locked him out of his house or that his fucking dad _let_ her.

“FUCK IT!” Tommy screams to no one at all. He’s getting his shit and heading back to Casey’s as soon as he can get the door open.

When Tommy finally gets the door open, his grandma’s sitting in the kitchen waiting for him.

“Bitch! What the fuck? Dad knew where I was!”

“I told you, Tommy. You never listen, do you? You’re never going to be anything but trash.”

Tommy can hear her laugh as he runs down the stairs to gather his shit. This is the last time that bitch will see him. He’s done, fucking fed up with her treating him like a child who needs rules when he’s fucking eighteen.

By the time he gets back upstairs, there are cops there. His bitch of a grandma called the cops on him for breaking and entering? It’s not like he really had a choice. And she was the one that sat there and let him when she heard him trying to get into the house! Of course the cops smell the alcohol on him as soon as he hits the floor of the kitchen. They’ll probably add underage drinking to the charges if Tommy gets arrested for this shit.

Tommy’s already trying to figure out how to get back at her if they take him when he gets back home.

“You called the fucking cops?” Tommy yells, glaring at his bitch of a grandma.

She fakes a sad sigh and then looks at him. “Tommy, dear, you need to learn that you can’t just come into my house like you live here and break in when you think we aren’t home. It’s breaking and entering, sweetheart.”

Tommy can’t believe this. Is this bitch fucking serious right now? “I _do_ fucking live here!”

An officer stops him from walking out the door by a hand on his shoulder. “Son, you’ve just broken into someone else’s house and had the police called. You aren’t going anywhere.”

Tommy glared at the cop holding him back and shouted. “I live here, fucker! Check the basement, all my shit’s down there.”

The cop cuffs him. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.” This isn’t happening. They can’t be fucking serious! The officer reads him the rest of his rights, hauling him off into the darkness of the night and into a cop car.  


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Tommy spends the next three days in the small cell at the station. His grandma refuses to post bail and his dad just blew his pay check on a trip to the casino. Tommy’s pissed and just wants out of this hell hole. His court date cannot get here fast enough.

The court calls up his school to get his transcripts and of course that get the attention of his old counsellor, Mr. Randolph. He shows up at court, telling them all about how Tommy’s a troubled kid and that juvy will do him some good. Mr. Randolph then tells the judge that Tommy needs to be off the street and then maybe he’ll finally talk to someone about all the issues he has.

Tommy grumbles about how he has no issues and that he isn’t troubled or whatever they’re trying to accuse him of. His grandma and aunt have issues with him. The court appoints a crappy ass lawyer who just shoots Tommy a look that he takes as his cue to shut up. He sits back and listens to all the bullshit going on around him.

Tommy’s grandma is there as a witness and makes sure that her opinion is heard. She’s the one pressing the charges so of course the judge loves her. Tommy glares at his Grandpa just sitting there not paying attention to anything while she runs her mouth about everything she’s said to Tommy since his mom gave him up years ago.

His Aunt Brenda shows up, but the judge tells her she doesn’t have anything to do with the case and she won’t be allowed to speak. The look on her face makes Tommy break into a smile. His dad and step dad are both there, for moral support is what they say. His mom doesn’t show up. Tommy’s a little pissed, but he’s used to being let down by her by now. His step dad says she had some relapse and is in rehab again, but Tommy’s sure she’s at home stoned off her ass.

Looking up right before his grandma gets down from the stand, he sees her staring at him with a look that tells him she’s glad he’s in this situation. The last part she says really hits home for him and he glares at her.

“He’s a messed up kid because his mother doesn’t care about him and he uses that anger to do anything he pleases. He’s a trouble maker and I, for one, don’t consider him my grandson anymore. He’s a lowlife little brat who won’t go anywhere in life.”

“Objection, Your Honor.” His Lawyer stands.

“Sustained. Mrs. Ratliff, if you can’t refrain yourself, you’ll have to step down. I’m dismissing the last few accusations.” The judge scribbles down on something in front of him and Tommy’s grandma says she’s done and steps down. The judge calls for a recess and says to come back in thirty minutes for the ruling.

When they come back from recess, the judge looks at Tommy. “From everything I’ve heard today, it seems you have a problem that needs straightening out. You were troubled in school and at home. Breaking and entering is a serious offence, young man. Since this is your first major crime, I’m letting you off easy.”

The judge sends him away for six months. After that time, he has another court date that will include the reports from the adult juvy hall. They’ll make a decision then if Tommy gets out then or has to serve another six months.

He’s sure this is so going to blow.

The guard leads Tommy out of the court room in his lame ass puke brown clothes that he’ll be forced to wear for the next six months. They take him to the actual juvy hall and to his new room. They act like he’s going off to college or something with the way they talk about his roommate. Tommy’s not sure why they can’t just call it what it is; cell mate. They put him in with some kid named Eric.

Tommy’s first night there sucks. Some kid corners him in the bathroom and gives him a fat lip just because. That pretty much sets the tone for the next six months.

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After four months, things start to get routine. They make him talk to a counsellor, not that he’s up for talking to anyone. Jeff tells him that he acts the way he does because of his parents. That the fucked up way he was raised makes him from a broken family and more likely to act out for attention. Tommy didn’t talk to him much, until Jeff asked him what he liked to do.

Tommy spends the entire time that day talking about music. He tells him how he can feel it in his soul. He talks about playing the guitar and how much he’s missed it since he was stuck in juvy. They won’t let him have his guitar, afraid he’ll do something stupid like use the strings to hurt someone. That’s his baby, he’s not going to mess her up for anything.

Tommy spends a lot of time writing down the music that he’s heard in his head. It’s harder without his guitar to work out the chords, but at least it helps pass the time. The guard brings him new clothes the morning of his court date. They’re still the puke brown color, but at least they’re new. They get him cuffed up and head to court.

Tommy walks in and the first thing he sees is his grandma with a smug look on her face. No one’s bothered to visit or write him while he’s been here. His Aunt Brenda’s sitting next to her with the same look on her face. Tommy’s dad is sitting at the end of the row about half asleep.

They lead Tommy to the table and remove the cuffs for the trial. As soon as he sits down, he hears his mom’s familiar voice behind him.

”Tommy, honey, are you okay? Oh, you’ve gotten so thin. Oh you poor thing. I know this must have been so hard on you. I’m sorry I missed your last trial. It was a relapse, you know, but I’m doing so much better now. You can come live with us when you get out. We have a room for you and everything.” She sits down right behind him.

“Why the fuck are you even here?” He’s pissed off. The bitch shows up here after years of not talking to Tommy and expects everything to be okay? No, that isn’t happening.

Tommy turns around, punching in her face before he even has time to think about it. Everyone starts shouting and Tommy has a guard behind him in two seconds flat, pulling him out of his chair and away from his mom who looks shocked, the bitch. He starts yelling and screaming that he hates her and wishes she’d just fuck off like she had when he was younger and needed her. She starts screaming back at him and a guard has to hold her back from jumping over the audience wall to come at him.

The guard that has his grip on Tommy pulls him away and into a cell at the court house to wait on what the judge is going to do.

The judge doesn’t even have to go through with the trial, as soon as he hears about what happened in the court room, he sends Tommy back to juvy for another six months. This time he has to have anger management classes as well as his sessions with Jeff.

Tommy’s fuming with anger as he leaves. It doesn’t help that his mom’s playing the innocent victim who got hurt by her son. The judge completely falls for it, too.

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Tommy gets back to his room and climbs straight into his bed. He’s beyond pissed that his bitch of a mother had to show up and now he’s stuck here for another six months, plus anger management. This just means there’s gonna be someone else who’ll make Tommy talk about his feelings and shit.

He sulks and grumbles at anyone who tries to talk to him. About a week after his court date, the guards show up with some new guy. Tommy kind of liked having a room to himself, though he knew it wouldn’t last long.

The kid looks terrified. Tommy wonders if he’s ever spent a night away from home. He’s sure this one will be crying in his sleep, if not before that. At least he’s big, maybe the fuckers won’t pick on him too much.

“Adam, this is Tommy your roommate. Just ignore his attitude. He fucked up and now he thinks it’s everyone else’s fault. So, bed, locker, shelf. Enjoy!” The guard laughs as he leaves the room.

Tommy watches Adam through his fringe as he puts his clothes in the locker and hangs up a picture on the door. Adam’s taller than him, but thin. He has the good boy look to him, like one of those kids Tommy made fun of in high school who worked hard just to make their parents happy. Tommy can’t even imagine what he could have done to end up here. He’s pretty sure Adam will have a black eye or a bruise in the shape of a fist by the time he goes to sleep tonight.

"So, um, hi. I'm Adam, like the guard said. So you’re Tommy, huh? Well guess we’ll be, um, getting to know each other, huh?"

Tommy kinda chuckles to himself, he was right about this kid. He’s shy and so uncomfortable here it’s almost making Tommy hurt. But Tommy’s not looking for new friends. He’s looking to bid his time until he can get out of this hell hole.

"Yep, Tommy. And the guards are all assholes. This place is hell. I just got fucked over and have six more months of this shit. So yeah, guess we will."

Adam slinks into his bed on the other side of the room keeping to himself. Tommy’s fine with that. He gets up after a minute, heading out to the main room hoping that he can at least get an e-mail out to Casey before someone tries to fuck with him. Things have gotten better, but he’s still not in the mood to deal with these fuckers.

Later that night, Tommy and Adam head to dinner. It's Adam's first meal there and of course he’s the talk of the room. Everyone making comments about the two of them and shit that Tommy’s sure is making Adam blush. He’s used to it by now; being in this place for so long and being as small as he is, gets a lot of comments about being someone's bitch. Yeah, it's probably not as hard as in actual jail, but that shit still gets old real fast.

They get their food and go to sit down. They eat in silence with everyone watching them. As soon as they manage to force down the crap on their plates, Tommy looks up at Adam.

"C'mon, let's get outta here." He stands up, looking at the tables watching them. "Show’s over, fuckers. Go find someone else to amuse you."

Tommy leaves with Adam trailing behind him with a confused expression on his face. They go back to their room, shutting the door and the rest of the people out. Tommy gets on his bed, gets his notebook out and starts writing music. He gets so into his head that he forgets that there’s someone else in the room. Until he hears the other bed squeak as Adam gets up.

"You seem so into whatever you’re working on. What’re you doing? It just looks like scribbles."  
"Nothing real, just ideas I guess."

Tommy’s not going to share his music with this kid. It's personal to him even if it doesn't make sense to anyone but him right now.

Adam goes back to reading his book until he hears Tommy leave the room.

When the two of them climb into their beds that night, Adam tosses and turns. Tommy tries to ignore the huffing and sighs that are coming from the bed across the room, but he’s not having much luck. Finally he sits up glaring across the room in the dark.

"Okay, you ever gonna go to sleep tonight? Because as much as this place sucks, we still need to sleep. I tried napping my first month away, but it didn't work. The guards have this idea that we need to stay up and be productive members of the hall or some bullshit like that."

"But it's just...never mind...yeah, I'll settle down in a minute."

"Liar. You’ve been huffing and sighing for 45 minutes now. So you wanna tell me why you’re here and then maybe I can get some rest?"

"I was stupid."

"Adam, we’re all stupid, that’s why we end up here."

"Well, yeah, I'm usually not."

Tommy smiles to himself in the dark of the room, he was right about Adam. He’s a goody-two-shoed parent pleaser. He’s sure this is gonna be good.

"So give me the story then."

He hears a huge sigh come from across the room.

"You know, you’re going to have to tell me at some point, Adam. You might as well get it out up front."

"Fine. So yeah, like I said, I’m not usually stupid. I'm a good kid and I'm not just saying that. I'm shy and quiet and a theater nerd. I keep to myself and my friends. So being with a bunch of trouble makers like..."

Adam stops and Tommy can hear the sound of him covering his mouth with his hand like he didn't mean to say that last part.

"HA! I know, a bunch of trouble makers like me, right? It's okay, you know. I’m more than aware of what I am."

"Okay yeah, troublemakers. So I met this person and I wanted to impress them. I mean at first, it was just little things. Smiles and innocent flirting and shit like that. Well it wasn't leading too much so I got this grand idea. I knew how I could do it, but it would take a lot to pull it off. So I got my friends to help and Brad was supposed to be the look out. He was too busy sucking face with his newest fling to notice the sirens that were heading our way. The whole thing just fucking sucked."

"So what was this grand idea you had? Cause really, you don't seem like the kinda of guy to get into so much trouble that the cops have to get involved. You seem pretty laid back to me, just from what I can tell, you know."  
"Yeah, well usually I am. But no, Aaron got the best of me. Yeah, I should probably get that part out, too. I'm gay. I know, big surprise with the theater thing right?”

“No, man, it’s cool. So…”

"So Aaron. He was new at school this year. There was just something about him that intrigued me. And I just had to impress him. All my friends told me to chill out, be me, that kind of bullshit, but I wanted him. Like all I could think about was wanting him. I started talking to him the first day he was there, tried the whole being friends thing, but I needed more from him. So I started the flirting and subtle shit, but I don’t know if he was just not getting the hint and was that clueless or if he wasn’t interested. So I came up with this great idea. I used to work at the haunted house, you know, the one out past the Miller farm? So, well, I know it’s deserted this time of year and I figure _what the hell_. I can sneak him in there and show off. The whole theatrical magic kinda thing. He was all into that sort of shit. So I had Brad and Matt help me, thinking they would be able to look out and one of them could come warn me if someone showed up, not that I was expecting it, but you never know."

"Man, you weren’t kidding about some grand idea, huh?"

"Aim to impress, baby. So we went out there late on a Saturday night. Mom thought I was spending the night at Brad’s and well that was the plan depending on how the night went. I jimmied the door open since it never did lock right away and pulled him in with me. It was dark and kind of romantic in a weird, spooky way. I grabbed his hand so we wouldn’t get separated. My heart kind of leaped though when he wrapped his fingers around mine. I guess he wasn’t as clueless as I thought. I took him all over that house, showed him the behind the scenes shit that I never really got, but he seemed so intrigued by, and all of the freaking masks and props that were still stored there. We’d been in there for quite some time when he came over and stood by me. I knew that was my chance so I turned to kiss him. And yeah, you don't need the details, but pretty much his feelings were mutual. Things got hot and heavy real fast. I never heard the sirens, I ignored my ringing phone when Brad called me, so there we were, flushed and sweating when the cops came busting into the room. They hauled us both off in cuffs."

"Man, that's kinda funny. But it sucks." Tommy laughed, staring up at the ceiling while he listened to Adam.

"It's not funny. I ended up here, not my idea of where I want to be right now. I need to be working on my singing. I was going to make it big, go travel the world with some production company and then come back and be great on Broadway. But no, instead, I’m stuck here and I don’t know when I’ll ever get out."

"Um, Adam. You are not in here for life. I think six months. I don't see you causing as much shit as I did when I first got here."

”Tell me your story, Tommy."

“Tomorrow... I promise.”

Tommy closes his eyes, going over everything he just heard. It makes him kind of laugh that he was so right about Adam. The whole don’t judge a book by it’s cover thing, yeah, he’s pretty much like his cover. But still, Tommy isn’t looking for friends. He’s just looking to get out of this hell.  
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Adam lays in bed after he sees that Tommy’s pulled the covers up to his head, just thinking about his life. His mind wanders to how he got here, talking to a _very_ cute blonde. No, he can't be thinking about that. They’re going to be in close quarters for the next six months, he can’t start thinking with his dick when it comes to his roommate; cell mate or whatever the fuck he’s supposed to call him. There’s something about Tommy's eyes that Adam cannot figure out. Like he’s a lost soul looking for a home. Adam wants to get to know Tommy more, but he gives off the vibe that he just wants to be left alone. Adam starts thinking about how he did all this for Aaron and the second they got arrested, Aaron told him to fuck off. Guess love is grand and all, unless you get a stupid idea in your head and get hauled off to jail.

He kinda of missed Aaron. Adam runs his fingers over his lips thinking about that night, the kisses and nips on the lips that they shared. He had hoped that it would lead to more. He’s kind of happy that it didn't, at least he didn’t get busted with his dick out or down on his knees. That would have made everything even worse. It was bad enough having to tell his parents about Aaron and why he did this. The disappointed look on his mother's face will forever be in his head. Most days, he wishes that he could take it back, all of it.

Adam rolls over, pulling the covers up when he hears a sounds coming from Tommy's bed. It's a small whimper, not quite a cry. Adam lays there listening, trying not to pry but still wondering what’s really going on in Tommy's head. He knows the boy’s asleep; he heard his breathing even out a little bit ago.

Adam falls asleep to the sound of Tommy's tears, wondering if maybe the bad ass punk really does have a soft side.

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When they wake up the next morning, Tommy notices that Adam’s looking at him a little differently, like he wants something from him. Tommy’s not going to be an ass to the guy, but he’s not going to be _gung ho, let's be friends happily ever after_ shit either. This is juvy not summer camp.

"What?" Tommy finally snaps at Adam.

"Just... never mind."

"Tell me."

"It's nothing, Tommy. Just forget it. I'll see you later." Adam leaves in a huff like Tommy just insulted his entire family. Tommy heads out, not quite following him to get some breakfast. He’s not sure what Adam’s deal is, but either way there was a look there that makes Tommy feels weirdly open, too open.

That afternoon, Tommy has his first anger management meeting. It's like group therapy and there are five other kids, most of whom have tried to fuck with Tommy in one way or another the last few months or so.

"Great," Tommy mumbles as he takes his seat away from the rest of the assholes.

Tommy sits there watching the other punks bad mouth this or that. They act like they run the place even though they’re as fucked up as he is. No one wants to be here, he doesn’t get why they’re so godly about being the top dog here. When Jeff finally comes in, Tommy just has to roll his eyes. As if he doesn’t get enough of him already he has to see him here, too? Of course he’d run this, but still. Tommy listens to him introduce everyone. Tommy didn't realize this was new for everyone here. He figured those punks would have been required to do this a while ago.

Jeff talks about anger and wants them all to share what gets them riled up. How they deal when they are pissed off and all that kind of shit. When it comes to Tommy, he sulks before finally talking.

"My mom’s a bitch. She deserted me when I was a kid and now wants to play the poor innocent victim. Then when I’m outta here she wants me to come home and play family with her. Yeah, not gonna happen. She’s a fucking drugged out bitch. I’m not going anywhere near her. Yes, I hit her, but she won't ever get it, it's not all about her. The world doesn’t revolve around her like she thinks it does. This is my deal, my life and I don’t need her acting like the loving mother that she never was just to impress everyone in the court room, not like they really give a shit about her. I don't need this fucking class. I’m only here cause the judge heard that I hit her. I’m not angry, I don’t hit people. This was a onetime thing, so if you don't mind I will sit here and do my time and listen, but that is all you’re getting from me."

Tommy slouches back down in his crappy metal folding chair, crossing his arms over his chest. When he looks up, he sees Jeff glaring at him with a look that says this isn’t over and they’ll be talking about it in therapy. Well, at least that’ll give him something to talk about and that way, Tommy won't have to share his feelings and shit. He goes to put his head back down, but something catches his eye. He sees Adam standing outside the window of the room smiling at him. Tommy give him a small smile before going back to sulking over having to be here and the fuckers that he has to share this with.

Tommy spends the rest of the time thinking about Adam and his smile. There’s something there that he doesn’t get. One minute: Adam’s the shy, quiet type, and now all of a sudden he wants to be Tommy's best friend. Tommy makes a mental note about having a talk with him about the whole friendship-this-isn’t-summer-camp thing later. The rest of his anger management isn’t very eventful. He almost runs out of there, trying to get away from the idiots he spends most of his time avoiding.

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Tommy almost runs back to his room, he’s had enough of the bullshit and really just wants to be left alone. Of course Adam’s there with this dopey smile on his face waiting for Tommy to get back.

“So, how did it go?”

”I’m not talking about it.” Tommy falls into his bed, hoping that if he forgets about the rest of the world, they will forget about him, just like his parents did.

Tommy knows he’s had a shit life. He’s been thrown around by his parents and his grandmother, none of whom seem to really want him. He just wants a normal life. Some days he would dream that Casey’s family would adopt him, at least there he felt cared for, not this empty sadness that’s always floating around in his head. He can already see how much Adam misses his family. He told Tommy how they’re going to come see him this weekend. Tommy hates weekend visit time; he hides in his room while just about everyone else has visitors. Even some of the most fucked up kids seem to have someone that comes to see them. Tommy is alone for the day, pretending like he doesn’t care no one’s there for him, but really, inside, he’s still that little kid that his mom shipped off to his dad’s house when he didn’t have a say about anything. Tommy can’t wait for the day when he doesn’t feel like his life’s still run by that little kid.

Tommy lets his thoughts wander for some time. He is not even aware of Adam leaving or the room getting darker as the day turns to night. He’s just had enough of everything. He knows he should try to be a better person and all that shit all the adults in his life keep feeding him, but why try when no one in your life gives a fuck about you?

Tommy’s jerked away from his thoughts when he hears a knock on the door. He looks up, surprised to see that it’s Adam standing there knocking.

”Umm, this is your room, you don’t need to knock.”

”I’ve been calling your name for 5 minutes. I thought this might get you out of whatever world you were in just now. You eating tonight?”

”Have I been back for that long?”

”Yeah, come on, let’s go.”

Tommy notices the smile on Adam’s face. He just wonders what Adam really wants, why he’s being so nice to him. No one’s ever been like that to him; Casey’s his best friend, but still doesn’t look out for Tommy like Adam seems to be doing already. Tommy might be small, but he sure doesn’t need some new kid looking out for him. He has been here long enough that he knows he can look out for himself.

When they get to the tables, they hear the comments and bullshit from the assholes that were in Tommy’s anger management with him. Not that they’re sharing what was said, Tommy’s at least grateful for that. But he gets sick of the harassing every day, just once he’d like to have a day without it. This hell hole is worse than high school, at least there, Tommy was on top of the popularity, only because everyone was scared of him or in awe of the shit he and Casey had done, but here he feels like a small child thrown into a world of teenagers.

Adam and Tommy choke down the garbage that’s put in front of them and head out of there. Tommy can hear some cat calls from the assholes, but at this point, he tunes it all out.

”It is always that bad?”

”Yeah, sorry, it is. They all hate me because I won’t bow down to them and kiss their fucking feet. They think they’re rulers here. And when the head one leaves, there’s always someone to take his place. I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to do my time and get the fuck out.”

”So there is no hope then for us, huh?”

”Sorry, you got stuck with the sucky roommate.”

Tommy just laughs as he heads back to the room. He notices that Adam gets really quiet after that, but he just passes it off as having stuff on his mind.

When the lights are out and they have climbed into bed, Tommy can hear Adam sighing in the dark.

”What’s up, Adam?”

”You don’t need better friends, Tommy?”

”What do you mean? I have friends.”

”Are they the reason you’re here?”

”Oh, I did promise you. So yeah, the shorter version. My family sucks, my mom hates me, unless she wants to play family, my dad works nights and sleeps all day and usually doesn’t care about what I do even if I do tell him. My mom shipped me off to my dad’s when she got a new husband; my grandma and aunt have hated me since I moved in with my dad. He lives with my grandparents, so I got stuck with them. They tried to be my parents and they’re not. It kinda sucks, having the two bitchy hens always butting into everything that I did, so I found Casey. He’s a great friend and his dad’s cool enough to let me stay there a lot. That’s where I got my piercings and my tattoo, but anyway, I told my dad I was going to be at Casey’s for a week and well, my bitch of a grandma didn’t like it. The bitch changed the locks on me, so when I got a screwdriver to get into the house, she was waiting for me. She called the fucking cops and had me hauled off to jail, totally pressing charges for breaking and entering, so I came here. Then I had a hearing a few weeks ago and well, my mom was there trying to be all loving and caring. I don’t even know why she tries anymore. She was probably high and drunk, either way; she pissed me off so I punched her. It was a fucking circus in the court room, but of course then I got more time and the fucking anger management classes, which, by the way, totally sucks. And I saw you watching me. What was that all about?”

”I just... well, I just wondered. I mean, I had no idea what it was that was going on in there, but you just looked really pissed and upset. I was walking by and just happened to see you. It’s not like I’m stalking you or something. I want to get to know you; we have to be here together we might as well be friends, Tommy. But I know you’re not looking for a friend. So don’t worry about it, okay?”

Tommy heard Adam turn over, pulling the covers up. He didn’t even need to have the light on to know what the look on Adam’s face was right now.

Adam completely avoided Tommy the next morning. Tommy didn’t think much about it until he was heading to lunch and saw that Adam was sitting by himself already eating. It was the first time that they hadn’t eating together, it wasn’t like they planned to always eat together, it just happened.

Tommy was tempted to punch Carlos when he made some comment about a lover’s quarrel between him and Adam, but Tommy knew he had to keep his temper under control. He wasn’t about to spend more time here or more time in anger management just over Carlos being a jack ass.

Tommy was alone in their room the entire afternoon. He read some, tried to write music, but pretty much was just antsy. He should figure out why Adam was avoiding him. It wasn’t until he let his mind go, that he remembered what Adam had said last night, _But I know, you’re not looking for a friend. So don’t worry about it, okay?”_

”Fuck!”

Tommy didn’t mean for that to come out, like he didn’t want anything to do with Adam. He knew he had to fix it. There was something about Adam that made him feel safer, like he could actually tell him things and not worry about it. Just the smile on Adam’s face was enough for Tommy to feel a little bit better about being in this hell hole. He wasn’t crushing, it was just friends. Yeah, Tommy had to admit it to himself, he was starting to think of Adam as a friend and then he had to go run his big mouth and fuck that up just like everything else in his life. Tommy just hopes he could fix it. He really didn’t want to live like this for the next few months, having Adam around to talk to was actually kinda of nice. It was better than being in the room alone and maybe talking about everything would help him feel better. Sometimes Tommy felt all alone, like he was fighting the world on his own with no one there to support him, to back him up. He was sure being deserted by both your parents at a young age had something to do with that. When he talked to Adam, he felt support; Adam looked at him like he was a human, not just a bother that he had to put up with.

Tommy went to dinner a little early. He waited outside the doors until he saw the familiar black hair coming towards him.

”Can we talk after dinner? Please?”

”I thought you didn’t want...”

”Just let me explain, okay?”

They ate together in silence. Tommy just hoped he was not too late to fix this.

When they got back to their room, Adam sat on the edge of his bed not really looking at Tommy. He was waiting; he was not going to push him into anything.

”So, yeah I realized I kinda fucked up. I didn’t mean that last night. I wasn’t looking for friends, but then you showed up, and well I kinda feel like we could be. Friends, you know? I like talking to you and I didn’t mean to be an ass. I’m just so used to giving that line to everyone who asks me that it kind of slips out. So I guess what I am saying is, I’m sorry if I pissed you off. But you don’t have to avoid me. It’s cool if you’re in here and we talk and shit.”

”You said you didn’t need friends.”

”I didn’t think I did. But I guess maybe I do. I don’t know, I just know I like having you around and talking with you. Even if it’s about these assholes here and the fucked up place we’re in. But yeah, if you’re still pissed, I like totally get that, too.”

Adam doesn’t say anything, but by the smile on his face, Tommy’s sure they’ll be okay. He just hopes he can manage to keep his foot out of his mouth from now on. Sometimes the kid in him just talks without thinking, but then again that’s what kind of got him here in the first place.

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Adam and Tommy don’t really talk about anything of real importance that night, but they still feel they need that after lights out talk. Adam finds it soothing hearing the voice coming from the other side of his room. It reminds him of when he was younger and him and his little brother Neil would spend the night at their grandparents’ house. They’d lie in the room together, whispering to each other for quite some time. Adam always felt that was more soothing than irritating. He got shit about it at sleep overs when he was growing up; the talking. He never knew his friends were so picky about going to bed on time.

Adam lies there not really tired but knowing that he needs to sleep. He lets his mind wander about nothing really important when he hears the quiet whimpering coming from Tommy again. He tries to ignore it, but there’s something about it that breaks his heart. He knows Tommy has to really have issues if this is what his sleep is like. Sleep’s supposed to be peaceful, free from the stress of life. It’s not supposed to haunt you with the horrors of your life.

Adam quietly gets up, shuffling over to Tommy’s bed. He leans down, pushing the blonde’s hair out of his face and whispers shushing noises, hoping he’ll calm down enough to sleep. When Adam hears the whimpers stop, he goes back to his bed and finally drifts off to sleep himself.

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Tommy and Adam’s schedule become very routine. They spend a lot of time in their room together. It doesn’t take long for them to find that they have a lot of similarities in music. Adam tells Tommy all about his dream of being on Broadway. Tommy laughs as Adam talks about the school musicals he was in and the theatre kids that he grew up with. Tommy never understood the big deal about theatre, but seeing Adam talk about it, he starts to get it. Adam’s animated and excited when he talks about it, like without it, he can’t breathe.

Adam tells Tommy about singing and voice lessons. It’s only after Adam sings (after Tommy spends almost a week pleading with him) that Tommy finally shows him his notebook of songs. Well, not really songs, they’re all works in progress; Tommy can’t finish anything without his guitar. Tommy can see Adam looking at it, unable to make sense all the scribbles.

“They are mostly bass lines. Well parts of bass lines.”

“Sure, I’ll take your word for it.” They still get the same shit every time they eat a meal. It’s getting worse only because they spend so much time together, but Adam seems to get Tommy and Tommy feels very protective of Adam. He knows Adam’s bigger, but he’s still that quiet, shy theatre kid that hasn’t really had any real world experience.

He’s heard the threats from the assholes about how Adam should be on his knees doing this or that to them. It makes Tommy sick hearing it, but he won’t repeat it to Adam. Adam hasn’t said anything, so Tommy’s hoping that he hasn’t heard it from them. Usually it’s Carlos trying to impress some new kid they recruited, so he starts running his mouth to Tommy.

It’s one of these times that Carlos really gets to Tommy. “Tommy... Tommy... Tommy... So how’s that boyfriend of yours? You know he’s been spending an awful lot of time out here with everyone else. I think it’s about time he saw what the solitary wing’s like. I know how much you loved it when you first got here.” Carlos leaned towards Tommy with a smirk on his face and a glint of evil in his eyes.

“Leave him alone, you fuck. He’s a good guy, just let him do his time or I’ll fuck you up like I did when you tried that shit on me.” Tommy spat back, ready to fight.

“I’m just saying no one’s visit here is complete without solitary. I’m making it my mission to make sure he does.”

“Just because you seem to spend half your week there does _not_ mean that he needs to see the small ass cells they have there. Go find someone else to fuck with and leave my deal alone, huh?”

Carlos leans even closer to Tommy, hissing in his ear. “I will get him. He won’t see it coming, but I will.”

Tommy’s even more worried for Adam. He doesn’t know if he can fight or not, plus Tommy really doesn’t want Adam to have to go to solitary or get that mark on his records. Tommy already has that on his; another fight’s not going to make that much of a difference, and Tommy knows that trying to tell Jeff about it is pointless. He knows that Tommy doesn’t get along with them and always passes if off as Tommy trying to cause trouble. This is just another reason why Tommy doesn’t trust adults.

About a week after Carlos tells Tommy that Adam has his coming to him, Tommy heads up to their room after his counselling with Jeff. Adam’s nowhere to be found which isn’t normal. Usually Adam’s waiting for Tommy, just in case Tommy needs to talk about something. Tommy likes that, venting to Adam about his session even if it’s just to bitch about how Jeff asks him the same questions every week. Tommy goes looking for Adam in all of his usual hiding places. Just as he walks up to the game room, he hears yelling coming from inside. He makes his way in there to find Adam cornered by Carlos and his goons.

“Get them the fuck back, Carlos. I told you to leave him alone.” Carlos moves closer to Adam, raising his eyes to look at Tommy. “What are you gonna do now, Tommy? I got your pretty boyfriend. You gonna just sit there and let him give me a show? I’m sure you know how talented his tongue is.”

Tommy can see the fear in Adam’s face, the tears pooling in his eyes as he fights to stop them. Tommy snaps, going for Carlos first. His fist connects with Carlos’ jaw, sending him stumbling backwards.

”Fuck off, Carlos. He’s never done anything to you; you have a problem with me, then take it up with me. Leave him out of this.” Tommy hisses, walking over to Adam to make sure he’s okay.

The chaos that erupts after, has Tommy’s adrenaline rushing. He sees Carlos’ goons coming towards him and manages to duck out of the way towards Adam. Tommy looks up at Adam before throwing a punch towards Jay to get him to back off. “You fucker!” is bellowed out over all the noise. Before he has a chance to brace himself, Carlos connects his fist to Tommy’s nose, sending blood everywhere. Tommy falls back on his ass, scrambling to get up as fast as he can.

He tackles Carlos to the ground and straddles his hips as he punches him in the eye, and jaw. Carlos’ goons grab a hold of him and throw him onto the ground while they kick him in the ribs and face, telling him how much he fucked up, that he’s gonna get his real fucking soon.

Carlos comes over and pulls Tommy up by his shirt, punching him on the jaw, before Tommy can grab him and force him to the ground as well.

They both get in a few more good hits before the guards finally make it into the room, breaking it apart and taking Tommy and Carlos down to the solitary wing. Tommy just hopes Adam’s gonna be okay for the night.

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Solitary isn’t where Tommy wants to find himself, but if it means protecting Adam, he’s okay with it. He hates solitary. He hates even more that it was Carlos’ fucking shit that got him sent here, stuck in this shitty ass box of a room. Tommy’s frustration gets the better of him and he lets out a loud growl to no one but the bed. He doesn’t really feel better so he goes and punches the bed, hoping that might help. After three minutes of nonstop hitting the bed, trying to get all of his pent up anger out, Tommy finally gives up, flopping onto the bed, his body still thrumming with anger. Somehow he needs to get back at Carlos, but he isn’t sure how.

It doesn’t take Tommy long to realize that this time in solitary is a little different; he misses Adam. They haven’t been roommates for that long, but Tommy’s come to expect and look forward to the talks at night and the time in their room together. Even if they aren’t actually talking, it’s nice to know that there’s someone there that gives a shit about him. Someone who wants to know if he ate, how his day was and to make sure he’s okay.

As he lies there, his mind wanders more and more towards Adam. He can see the smile that Adam gives Tommy when he’s concerned or the look in his eyes when he’s talking about something that he really loves. Tommy feels the grin cross his face before he can stop it. There’s no way he’s crushing on him, no, it can’t happen. Yet here he is... wondering.

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The guards take Adam to talk to him after they break up the fight. They want to know what happened and since he was the only one who was frozen and unable to move, he was the unlucky sap they chose. He gave them the story, how Tommy was just sticking up for him and that Carlos was attacking both of them. Adam’s not sure what good it’d do. He’s more than grateful when he’s finally allowed to go back to his room.

The room’s cold and quiet without Tommy. He looks at the bed across the room wondering what Tommy’s doing right now. Adam’s given up fighting the feelings he has for Tommy. He accepted them; he just knows he can’t act on them. He doesn’t know anything about Tommy when it comes to dating and is kind of afraid to bring it up. He doesn’t want Tommy to think he’s hitting on him just by asking, that Adam’s looking for a convenient fuck, so he’s convinced himself that he’s content with admiring from afar and just being friends.

It seems like he’s in the room forever before he finally goes to sleep. Adam has plenty of books to read and school work to do, yet he’s bored. Without Tommy's presence in the room it seems as if time moves slower, stopping almost. When his head finally hits the pillow, the last thing he sees before heading to sleep is Tommy's face just before he hit Jay; the look Tommy had of aggression and safety in his eyes. Adam never asked for protection, yet here Tommy is, making sure he’s okay.

Adam has a dream about Tommy that night. This is the first time since he met him, that he ends up in his dreams. It’s a dark room with just Tommy, Adam and Carlos. Carlos is coming for Adam when Tommy steps in. Adam watches in horror, unable to move as Carlos punches and kicks Tommy over and over again, spewing insults. Adam snaps out of it, going for Carlos, trying to get Tommy away. The faster he moves, the further away from Tommy he gets. With his next step, he looks up to see Carlos slip a shank out of his pocket, moving in what seemed to be slow motion until Adam watches as the knife is stabbed into Tommy’s neck, unable to stop it from happening.

Adam wakes up panting, his heart racing and his clothes drenched in a cold sweat. Tommy died and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Adam doesn’t know how, but somehow he’s going to make life better for Tommy.

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Tommy wakes up the next morning to his breakfast being slipped into the room. Of course it had to be Mark on duty. He’s such an asshole when he gets solitary duty, harassing Tommy just because he thinks he can. Tommy picks at his breakfast, taking a few nibbles before sliding it out of the room through the slot. He starts pacing around after that. He’s nervous and jittery; he knows that Carlos is in here with him, but he’s sure that his goons are still in the common area. Tommy’s afraid that they will try something with Adam and there’s nothing he can do about it for another day. He just has to hope that without Carlos there to lead the way, they will leave him alone.

Tommy spends the day getting up and down, sometimes sitting, sometimes walking around the room. He tries to write music, read, something to keep his mind off Adam. No matter what he tries, his mind keeps going back to the look on Adam's face that was caused by the fear and horror of Carlos' words. Tommy wants the image out of his head, but until he shows Carlos that he’s not fucking around, he doesn't think it will leave.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic Pics/?action=view&current=divideroneline.png)  
Adam’s sure that solitary sucks, but being here without Tommy is even worse. He feels more confined than he has the entire time he’s been here. He’s afraid of what will happen if he’s out in the common area too much. He can fight if he has to, but he doesn't like to. He spends a lot of his time in his room.

He sleeps a lot the next two days. It seems that every time he closes his eyes, his dreams turn to Tommy. Sometimes Adam’s saving him. Sometimes they’re just hanging out. The one that surprises Adam the most is the dream where he finally kisses Tommy. He wakes up from that and runs his fingers across his lips. That’s more real than anything; he just wishes it was more than a dream.

[   
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“You really that lost without me around?”

“Tommy!”

Adam face breaks out in a huge grin. He jumps off his bed, pulling Tommy into a hug. The gesture shocks Tommy. He’s not use to anyone showing this much emotion to him. He squirms to get out of the strong arms as fast as he can.

“Um, sorry, it’s just that, well I’m excited to see you. It’s been lonely here and I didn’t know how you were and I was a little worried after the fight and all and well…”

“It’s okay, man. It’s just, no hugging, okay?”

"Okay, yeah, sorry. So how bad was it? And are you hurt? It was just so weird being here without you. I felt almost like I was in solitary with you. I didn't leave the room too much. I was afraid of what might happen if I did. And um, thanks. You know, for standing up for me. I know he keeps calling you my boyfriend and I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I mean, if you want, I can try to find some other people to talk with too. But we just like clicked and, well, I like hanging out with you. I know this isn’t summer camp, but you know... It’s better than being alone isn't it?"

"Solitary sucked as usual. Carlos is an ass; I wish he would just leave you alone. I know his shit is because he has a problem with me. He wanted me to join his little gang or whatever the fuck he has going on, but why cause more trouble when I seem to find it enough on my own. So yeah, I keep hoping he gets out soon or get moved to the adult area or something. But until then, I won’t let him mess with you. Just don't go wandering off too much when I'm in sessions. Oh, Fuck. I gotta go see Jeff. He wants to talk. This oughta be good. I'll see you in a bit."  
Tommy walks slowly down the halls to Jeff's office. His body is still burning from where Adam hugged him. It was unexpected but kind of nice. He knows they can’t go around being all affectionate and shit, that’ll just add fuel to Carlos' fire, but Tommy’s not going to deny that he kind of likes having Adam’s strong arms wrapped around him.  
Jeff’s waiting for Tommy when he gets to the office.

"Tommy Joe."

"Jeff."

"We need to talk, Tommy Joe. You told me in group you weren’t violent, and you broke someone's nose. Care to explain that to me?"

"He’s an ass, Jeff. You know that. I’ve told you before he has it out for me. But now he’s decided to start being an ass to Adam. Adam’s a good kid, was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He has a good, normal life to live. I know mine’s fucked up already; I couldn't let Adam get busted for fighting. Plus I’m not sure he can fight. And well, you spend enough time on the streets and you learn some tricks."

"You still shouldn't be fighting. Why didn't you come get one of the guards?"

"So they could do what? Watch Carlos and them beat the shit out of Adam? No thanks. You know they don't give a fuck."

"So we have a problem then. You get in one more fight and there’ll be time added to your sentence. Got it? No more fighting. You have issues with _anyone_ you tell me if you don't think the guards will do anything."

"Fine. Anything else? I kind of want to get back to my room. I need to mellow out from everything, you know."

"No, I won't make you do a session today, but I expect to see you tomorrow, same time as usual. Got it?"  
Tommy practically runs out of the room as he mumbles a ‘yes’ to Jeff.

When he gets back to the room, he finds Adam reading. Tommy sits on his bed, taking out his notebook to try to get some of the frustration out. He’s beating on the pages, trying his best to find the notes that are in his head. That’s the hardest part; he misses his music the most. Even if he could listen to some Manson, it would be better than just the humming of the overhead lights.

After a bit, Tommy finally feels a little more relaxed. He takes a deep breath, letting some stress out. Adam looks up from his book with a smile on his face.

"That your cue that you want to talk?"

"Yes, no, I don't know."

"Tommy, I’ll listen if you need to."

"Jeff said if I get in one more fight, I'm getting more time, but I’m not going to let Carlos keep giving you shit. I can take it, but, I just..."

"I'm a big boy, Tommy. You don't have to keep protecting me."

"But you have your whole life ahead of you. You don't need a fucked up juvy record on that."

"But so do you, Tommy."

"You have dreams, Adam. You have parents who support you, parents who will be there when you’re on Broadway. I have a zombie for a dad and a druggie for a mom."

Adam couldn't hold back a laugh. "Zombie for a dad? Now that’s something you never told me!"

The boys spends the rest of the time before dinner talking about zombies and Tommy's unnatural (as Adam called it) obsession with horror movies.

That night, Tommy’s more thankful to be in his own bed than ever before. Having the sounds of Adam in the room has become somewhat calming to him. They didn't have much to say and Tommy’s sleeping in no time.  
[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider3line.png)

Adam’s not sure how long he’s been sleeping, but he wakes up with a start. He hears Tommy's whimpering louder than he has ever before. He wonders if the time in solitary has made whatever haunting Tommy even worse. Adam tosses and turns, trying to decide what to do.

Finally he can’t take it any longer. He slips out of bed, padding across the room to Tommy's bed. He finds Tommy curled up in a ball with his cheeks damp from tears. Adam slips into Tommy's bed, wrapping his arms around him; he feels Tommy finally relax as he hums softly in Tommy's ear.

"Shhh, it’s okay, baby, I have you, just sleep." Adam whispers against Tommy's ear when he starts to move around some.

Adam finally feels Tommy relax, his body going limp as he drifts off to sleep. Adam meant to get up and go back to his bed, but at some point, he drifts off to sleep himself. He’s startled awake by Tommy pushing him out of the bed.

"What the fuck, man?"

"Tommy. I'm sorry... It was just that... I thought that maybe...”

"Just don't, Adam."

"But it’s not what...."

Tommy storms out of the room, leaving Adam standing in there with a shocked look on his face. Adam whispers, “It’s not what you think.” To the room, hoping that just saying it might help. He climbs back into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin before Tommy comes back.

They don't talk and Adam’s not looking forward to morning.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divideroneline.png)  
Tommy doesn't know what’s going on with Adam. Yes, he found the man attractive, but they’re in this stupid hall with way too many eyes watching them. He has no idea what possessed Adam to climb into bed with him, he knows Adam’s missed him the last few days, so maybe that was it. Yes, that has to be it, or so he convinces himself.

Tommy avoids talking about it the next morning. He kind of just wants to forget about it, plus he really doesn't want to think about the hard on that he had had once he climbed back into bed and his body remembered the strong arms that had held him tight. It’s a traitor; his dick. There’s a time and place for everything, and this is so _not_ it.

They go to breakfast together and, of course, Carlos and his goons are there waiting for them.

"Oh, look at the cute couple! Oh Adam, did you miss your little play toy while he was locked up? Your hand not as good as his mouth is, huh? Is that why you were in your room so much?"

"Fuck you, Carlos."

"You wish, Ratliff."

Tommy and Adam eat quietly. The leave together, but Tommy heads to anger management and Adam goes back to their room.

When Tommy gets in the meeting room, Jeff’s the only one there.

"How's it going today, Tommy?"

"They already started shit."

"Tommy, you can't blame them for everything."

Of course Jeff says that, he’s just another adult that doesn't see things like Tommy does. They only see what they want to see, and Jeff has this 'everyone has good in them' attitude that Tommy’s sure is just some hippy bullshit.

"I don't, but when they attack me as soon as they see me, how is that not their fault?"

"You know that old saying about sticks and stones?"

Tommy mumbles something about _not_ being five as he sits down.

The group’s pretty animated; there are a few of Carlos’ goons in there include Jay who Tommy hit, so of course Jeff has a lot of counseling about being nice and forgiving or some shit like that. Tommy isn't really paying attention; he is too busy thinking about not being here and what it would be like if he met Adam someplace else. He’s pretty sure that if he had, they would have never started talking. Tommy lets a giggle slip before he realizes it. His face turns red when all the eyes in the room are on him.

"Something you want to share, Tommy?"

"No, sorry, was just thinking about something."

"Yeah, his boyfriend's tongue on his dick!" Jay chokes out between laughs. Of course the entire room, minus Jeff and Tommy, burst into laughter.

"Fuck this, I'm leaving."

Tommy storms out, not even looking back. He hears Jeff trying to calm them down, but by then it’s too late.  
Tommy walks into the room, going straight for his bed and flops down face first.

"You’re back early."

"’mfnokingbourit" Tommy muffles through the pillows.

"What?"

Tommy lifts his head slightly. “I’m not talking about it."

"Um okay, but Jeff really let you out that fast?"

"No, I walked out."

"Tommy, um, is that gonna get you in trouble."

"Probably not, I had a good reason, and Jeff knows it."

"Want to tell me about it?"

Tommy plants his face back into the pillow; he really doesn't want to. He knows if he tells Adam that, his face would start to blush because, yeah, he had thought about Adam's tongue in all kinds of places, and that is not the conversation he really wants to be having right now.

"It's just... They all fucking suck. All of them." Tommy mumbles out.

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I am. I'm here when you want me to listen."

Tommy lets his mind wander; trying to hear the Manson he would usually listen to when he had something on his mind. The lyrics, the bass line, anything for him to forget that he’s here. He never hears Adam leave the room.

Tommy wakes up alone in a quiet room. He knows Adam has classes he has to go to since he’s still in school. Tommy just kind of forgot what day it was. Some days it kinda sucks being in juvy for so long. Most of the kids at least have school to keep them busy. Since Tommy had graduated, they can't make him go to class, so he’s stuck in his room a lot of the time.

Just as he’s starting to get antsy, Adam shows back up with a frustrated looks on his face.

"Was it that bad today, Adam?"

"I hate Algebra."

Tommy just giggles. Okay, maybe he’s glad he’s not at school anymore.

[   
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Carlos keeps giving Tommy and Adam shit every time he sees them. They don't even have to be together. There are a few of his goons, like Jay, that’ll give them shit, too. Jeff lets Tommy switch to private sessions for his anger management. Tommy’s glad he doesn’t have to deal with Jay anymore, but he’s not looking forward to more one on one time with Jeff.

Tommy notices Adam giving him more and more looks of concern, like he’s worried about him, like there’s something that Tommy doesn't know. He doesn’t like that idea, that Adam knows something. After a few days of the looks, Tommy’s finally had enough.

"What?"

"What, Tommy?"

"Why do you keep looking at me like that? Like I’m a lost soul that needs to be saved."

"Tommy, you kind of are. Well, I’m guessing anyway, from what you told me about everything."

"I don't need you to save me." Tommy grumbles. He hates that feeling, like he’s five again.

"I’m not trying to save you. I just worry about you. You, well, you cry a lot."

"Adam, really? When have you ever heard me cry?"

Adam walks and stands next to Tommy's bed.

"Can I sit here?"

"Yeah. You gonna tell me?"

Adam sits down, turning so his back is to the door and he can see Tommy.

"You cry in your sleep, Tommy, almost every night."

"I do not. I would know if I did, plus why are you the first person to tell me this? I’ve had my fair share of roommates."

"I’m the first person who probably gives a fuck about you, but you do, and that night… That night I was in your bed? I just couldn't take it anymore. You were sobbing, you sounded so hurt."

"So you weren’t trying to..."

"You’re cute, Tommy, but I’m not going to attack you in your sleep." Adam shakes his head, like Tommy made a joke he didn’t want to laugh at.

Tommy looks up into Adam's eyes and sees something he’s never seen before. Even when he was with his ex, he never saw that. Adam really does care about him; he cares about what happens to him.

Tommy leans up, kissing Adam quickly on the lips before he can even think to change his mind or look any deeper into it; before he can chicken out. He breaks away before Adam even moves, afraid of anyone walking by.

Tommy lowers his head, feeling his face blush. He’s never felt so open and vulnerable as he does right now.

His words come out in a whisper meant only for Adam. "You do care."

He feels Adam's finger under his chin, pulling his head up to look him in the eyes.

"Bout time you realized it, baby." Adam leans down, kissing Tommy, fast and deep and so fucking _right_ that it knocks the wind out of Tommy. It’s over before Tommy can blink and Adam’s up and on his bed, getting his homework out.

Tommy doesn't know what all this means, but he has a feeling things are going to get worse. Carlos is bad enough now, he’s sure it’ll just get worse if he finds out. Not that he and Adam are dating. They’re just friends... Who kissed. Yeah, that is it. Tommy can live with that, he just has to convince his now hard cock of that theory.

Tommy leaves with Adam after he finally closes his school book so they can go to dinner. It’s the same thing as always; snide comments and slurs coming from Carlos and his goons. Tommy walks over to Carlos, getting right  
into his face. He’s done with his bullshit.

"How's the nose, Carlos?"

"Fuck off, Ratliff."

Tommy moves even closer, their faces just inches apart.

"Leave us alone. If I have to, I will make you, but I really don't want to have to make you. Adam and I are friends and I don’t need fuckers like you telling us how to live."

"You wouldn't dare. I know they’re watching you."

"Yeah, but don't think I’ll back down from you because I’m being watched."

Tommy walks away to get food, trying his best to ignore the shit flying out Carlos' mouth.

[   
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No matter where they go, it seems as if Carlos is there waiting for them. He’s there spitting out comments about them, about Adam and even sometimes about Tommy. He tries, really tries to ignore it, but it’s really getting to Tommy.

Tommy and Adam go to eat breakfast and just as they plant their asses on the bench makeshift chairs when Carlos is there, up in Adam's face.

"I'm gonna get you on your knees, pretty boy. I wanna see how talented you really are, what’s so special about you that that little shit of yours gets so protective about."

Adam cringes having Carlos so close to him. Neither one of them notices Tommy getting up and slipping behind Carlos.

It’s all so fast; the fork comes down, stabbing the hand Carlos has on the table next to Adam's food.

Tommy’s leaning up against Carlos, growling into his ear, "Next time, you won't be quite as lucky. Next time, I'll go for something major, your neck or maybe even your dick that you like to talk about so much. Leave Adam alone, fucker."

Tommy gets the last word out just as the guards are hauling him out of the room, still spitting out threats to Carlos.

Adam’s so shocked, he doesn't move until Jeff’s there pulling him up and away from the blood that’s pooled on the table.

Tommy goes straight to solitary; the guard almost throwing him into the cell.

"Fuck him, and fuck you, too!" he screams after the guard right before he shuts the door.

He’s sure that Carlos will play the innocent victim, playing it up to anyone who’ll listen, and Tommy will look like the vengeful person that he’s not, but then again, maybe this is the one thing that will get Carlos to leave him and Adam alone.

Tommy falls onto the bed trying to block everything out of his head, everything that lead to him getting stuck in this hell hole all alone.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider2line.png)  
Tommy spends the week in solitary. Jeff comes by to see him every day, but Tommy’s still refusing to talk. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Why would he? One slip up and the whole place will know exactly why he’s protecting Adam.

Yeah, he’s a good guy, but it’s more than that.

Tommy won’t admit it out loud, but in his heart, he knows he’s fallen hard for Adam already. So yeah, talking to Jeff’s so out of the question.

The only other visitor that Tommy gets while he’s in solitary is from the crappy state appointed lawyer. They added two months on to his sentence. That’s two more fucking months that he’s stuck here in hell. And if he does something like this again, he’s getting shipped to prison. The lawyer tells Tommy he’s lucky that they didn’t do this already since he’s eighteen now and has become violent.

By the time the week’s up, Tommy’s body’s buzzing. He can’t wait to get out of here and see Adam.

“You gonna be back here soon, punk?” The guard spits at him as he unlocks the cell.

“Fuck no, your ugly face is gonna scare me straight!” Tommy laughs back, finally being led out of the cell.

He’s not allowed to go to his room first; he has to have yet another meeting with Jeff. He’s only paying attention to half of what he’s saying, making agreeing noises every once in a while. It’s the same thing Jeff’s been telling him all week anyway, so he’s not missing anything.

When Jeff sends him on his way, Tommy hops up, almost running out of the room. As soon as he gets to his room, he freezes.

It’s empty. All of Adam’s things are gone.

There’s an envelope sitting on his pillow with his name written on it.

 _  
Tommy,   
_

_I am sorry I couldn’t even be man enough to tell you myself, that I had to write this letter, but I can’t let you get into any more trouble over me. I know you got two more months in here and I’m sorry. I talked with Jeff about this a lot; we both thought this was the best way. I asked for the transfer from your room, from this site. My parents aren’t happy that they have to travel further to see me, but they’ll get over it. I just can’t let you get shipped off to prison over trying to protect me. Not that I didn’t appreciate it; I do, more than you’ll ever know. But you have a future as well, even if you can’t see it right now._

 _Please, Tommy, think about it. Things really can be better for you. I know you’ve been hurt and I hope someday you’ll share that with someone; it might help. But you have to think about yourself first._

 _Don’t be mad. You can still write to me, just give Jeff the letters._

 _I’ll miss you._

 _~Adam_

Tommy throws the letter down, storming out of the room and back to Jeff’s office, not even caring that there’s someone in there.

“You! Out!” He shouts at the small kid in the chair as he stalks over to Jeff’s desk.

“ _What_ the actual fuck? _You_ let him leave? Like I can’t control myself anymore and so you listen to him and let him fucking leave?”

“Tommy. You can’t just…”

“I can’t. Everything is about what I can’t do. Just once in my fucking life I would like someone to tell me what I _can_ do. I can come in here to tell you to get him back here. I don’t give a fuck what you had to do to get him to transfer. You need to get him back here.”

“I can’t, Tommy. You need to calm down. When I’m done here, we can talk. Until then, go back to your room and get your emotions under control.”

“Talk? All you ever want to do is talk! You need to actually fucking _do_ something!” Tommy pounds his fists on the table, turns around and storms out of there, never noticing the kid still sitting there with fear in his eyes.

When Jeff finally comes to find Tommy, he tries to explain to Tommy that it was Adam’s choice and that he can’t make Adam come back. Jeff tells Tommy he supports Adam’s decision which is why the transfer went through, but he’s not changing it.

Tommy’s built up his brick wall again, and nothing Jeff says gets through to him. Jeff knows this and hands Tommy a notebook and pen before leaving.

“What is this?”

“Write, Tommy; words, not music notes. See if it helps. And if you feel like it, write to Adam, too.”

Jeff shuts the door, leaving Tommy alone in the silence.

[   
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It’s three days before Tommy even thinks about the notebook. He’s spent the time snipping and growling at anyone who comes close to him. The few new kids that are there, run in the other direction as soon as they see him coming.

He’s gotten into a few word fights with Carlos about Adam. Of course he notices right away that Tommy’s alone. Tommy never touches him or his goons, but if words could kill, Tommy’s pretty sure they would have died on more than one occasion.

It’s not that he wants to be an ass, but he’s not going to roll over and be a pussy just because he’s miserable either... _again_.

He’s just gotten into it with Carlos again at lunch when he makes his way back to his room. The bright red notebook that Jeff gave him catches his eye and he figures what the fuck, why not try it?

  
_Adam,_   


_  
~~Dude, what the fuck. Really?~~   
_

_  
~~So, you left me. Just like everyone else in my life, took the easy way out and~~   
_

“Fuck, this just sucks.” Tommy mumbles to the room.

 _  
Adam,   
_

_You could have at least waited. You didn’t have to sneak out while I was locked up in solitary, you know? It sucks, being here without you. I’m alone in the room still. I think Jeff’s afraid to put anyone with me. The newbies are running from me when they see me coming._

 _Fuck. Have I become that much of an ass? Serves Jeff right. He let you leave. I mean, shit, everyone else has deserted me. Why not you, too, right? Fuck. I’m not trying to be a dick here, I’m really not, but it just sucks._

 _Just, um, don’t go getting too close to your new roomie, okay?_

 _~Tommy_

Tommy knew it sounded like shit, but he kind of wanted to hear more from Adam, why he really left. He pulled the page out and took it down to Jeff, hoping if he asked nice, Jeff would make sure Adam got it.

[   
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Adam knew it was the right thing to do. Yet he can’t help but wonder how Tommy is. He didn’t leave him, exactly. He’s different from Tommy’s family. This was for Tommy’s own good. No matter how much it’s breaking Adam apart to be so far away from him, all he really wants to do is hold Tommy and tell him how special he is, and hope that maybe, Tommy might believe it himself.

It’s almost three weeks before he finally gets a letter from Tommy. He’s gotten a note from Jeff and he knows that Tommy’s pissed. So he feels relief when he finally sees Tommy’s handwriting.

He cringes when he reads the letter; Tommy’s upset, just as Adam expected.

 _  
Tommy,   
_

_I know you’re pissed. Don’t be, please. I’m not them. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I know that may not mean a lot to you, but that means a lot to me. I want to know you, really know you, Tommy. I want you to be open with me. I’m not your family; I’m not those people that hurt you. You need to let them go, let the hate that you think you need to feel go. Jeff’s not reading the letters, no one but me will read them. Jeff sees this as part of your therapy or something, but if it helps you let go, I’ll take it all for you._

 _So, I guess I can’t really expect you to tell me everything without giving you something right? So tell me what do you want to know? How my parents still think I’m five and can’t do anything for myself? That it was their great idea to stick me in here to teach me a lesson for sneaking around, but mostly because they were so pissed that I got caught kissing another guy? Yes, they know I’m gay, and they’re all for equal rights until their son gets caught by the sheriff whose also their neighbour. You don’t know how many times I got the “what will people think about this, Adam?” speech from them._

 _So I guess what I’m really saying is I care for you, Tommy, I’m not going anywhere, I want to help you be better._

 _Please, write me soon. I do miss you._

 _~Adam_

Adam seals up the letter, addressing it to Jeff for the next time he’s here at the hall. He heads out of the room to dinner just hoping this might be what Tommy needs.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divideroneline.png)  
Tommy avoids the main rooms as much as he can. He’s trying really hard to not get into another fight and Carlos always seems to be there waiting for him. He gets a new roommate. Some kid named Aiden, who’s small and quiet. He doesn’t say much, which is fine with Tommy.

Aiden’s young and Tommy’s guessing he got into the wrong crowd. Maybe if Tommy was in juvy when he was that young, he wouldn’t be here now. But then again, he probably would have found some way to keep getting into trouble.

Aiden follows Tommy around like a lost dog. Tommy can see the fear in his eyes, he feels sorry for the kid, but Tommy has enough shit without having to worry about this kid. He can show him the ropes; find him some newbies to hang with or something, but he’s not signing up to be a fucking babysitter to this kid no matter how young he is.

He had just pawned Aiden off on some group of newbies watching some movie when he walks back into his room to find an envelope on his pillow. He feels his heart skip a beat, knowing it has to be from Adam.

He reads it, taking in all the words and for the first time ever, feeling a tiny bit sorry for Adam. Tommy’s used to family that doesn’t give a shit, but this over protective stuff Adam’s parents seem to have on him, doesn’t sound much better.

He gets out his notebook when he’s done reading and begins to write.

 _  
Adam,   
_

_I don’t hate you. Okay, maybe a little bit, but it just sucked coming back here and finding out that you were gone. I know I’m fucked up, but fighting was my choice. You never asked for the protection, I just wasn’t going to let Carlos treat you like the rest of the fuckers in here that won’t bow down to him and his goons._

 _Jeff told me he’s leaving soon, Carlos that is. So I’m sure they’re already holding court, picking the next leader. It just sucks, you know? That ass wipe gets to leave and I’m stuck in here, but even worse, someone like you is stuck in here, too._

 _I do miss you. I miss our talks, so I guess this will have to do then, huh?_

 _Sorry your parent’s don’t seem to get you. That’s almost worse; the public support and private hate. I guess it’s almost better sometimes to not have anyone care about you._

 _So you want to know about me, huh?_

 _Well you know the basics. Mom wanted me for her own, told Dad I wasn’t his kid. He, of course, proved her wrong. And then when I was ten, she decided she didn’t want me anymore. It sucked, getting shipped between them all the time, but it was even worse when she kicked me out._

 _I was a kid. I started playing with fire then. Set my dad’s mattress on fire one day. He didn’t do shit though, my grandma and aunt bitched and yelled. They were good at that, bitching and yelling. It was like they couldn’t talk to me in a normal voice, it was always something._

 _And you know the worst part? My cousin, my aunt’s son, he’s like a fucking god to them or something. Everything he does is perfect. They baby him like he can’t do shit for himself and he fucking lets them. We’re only a week apart, I’m older even, but I’m like the evil step child no one wants._

 _I let Casey be my family. He understood me somehow. It was never pity; that would have just pushed me away from him. Casey wasn’t trying to save me, he actually wanted me around and was like a brother to me; still is, even if I haven’t talked to him. I didn’t have to try when I was at Casey’s house; I could just be. Even if I was helping Casey do some chores around the house, it was better than being at home._

 _Casey’s dad actually asked me how I was doing and cared if I said hi to him or not. I could go days at home without speaking to my father, but there was something about his Dad that demanded the respect and I gave it to him. I guess it helped when I got older; I kind of wanted to be like him. Doing what I loved, something no one in my house every understood. Casey’s house wasn’t my family as much as I always wished they were. It wasn’t even that I was over there more, but when I was there they noticed me. I was more than just some bother they had to take care of, some kid that interrupted their perfect way of living. I always wished they’d asked me to move in, or give me the choice. Sometimes I wonder if I messed that up by doing the things I’ve done, but you can’t change the past right?_

 _So how’s that for something?_

 _Your turn, babyboy._

 _~Tommy_

Tommy seals the letter up, giggling at himself. He’s not sure where the babyboy came from, but it seems to fit.

He heads over to Jeff’s office for another meeting. For once he actually shares a little of his feelings with Jeff. Tommy ignores the look on Jeff’s face of shock, as Tommy tells him how pissed he is that Adam’s stuck in here and fuckers like Carlos are leaving in two weeks.

Tommy even tells Jeff a little about how pissed he is that his grandma set him up. It’s her fault he’s in here.

Tommy walks out of Jeff’s office feeling different and kinda of yelling at Adam in his head for being right.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divideroneline.png)  
Adam’s surprised when he gets the next letter from Tommy. It’s a lot faster and has a lot more in it. He reads it over and over again, taking in the words and the scribbles. Adam hates that this is his only connection to Tommy right now, but he’ll take what he can get. Adam feels connected to Tommy more when he gets the letters from Tommy.

 _  
Tommy,   
_

_Babyboy, huh? Do I even want to know where you came up with that one? Nicknames. Okay, my little fire cracker…_

 _Being over here’s a lot different. It’s a lot calmer or something. I wish you could be here with me, but you need to stay where you are, so don’t go getting any ideas. Plus, I’m almost sure that Jeff wouldn’t agree with it. I’ve made a few friends. Yeah, I know… you might not be here to make friends, but I figure if I’m stuck here, I might as well get to know someone other than my roommate._

 _The teachers they have over here are awful, though. Carlos almost makes it worth it just to have them back. They think we’re shit so they treat us that way or something like that. I’m kind of glad that I’ve already had most of this stuff and know what I’m doing._

 _And yes, math still sucks._

 _You know, I think about how lucky I am, well if you can call it luck, to be have been put in here and found you. I’m pretty sure we would’ve never have met otherwise. Maybe I need to thank my parents for that. On second thought, maybe not. Sometimes, when I think about you and your family I feel kind of lucky to have my parents around as much as they are. Why is it that you hate them so much anyway, baby?_

 _I keep thinking about you… and the kiss. How soft your lips felt against mine. I can’t wait to feel that again. I think a lot about you, it makes the time I have in here better. I can’t wait until I can take you out; show you that someone really does care for you. I know we never really talked about it… but I can’t help but feel something. And I’m pretty sure you feel it as well. But sadly, for now, it’s just a dream._

 _Stay out of trouble for me will you?_

 _And don’t let anyone fuck up that pretty face of yours._

 _~Adam_

Adam’s fingers are shaking as he seals up the letter. He knows it’s a big assumption, he just hopes that it doesn’t scare Tommy away.  
[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider3line.png)

Tommy finds another letter from Adam a few days later waiting for him when he gets back from eating. He reads it, feeling the bright red blush creep across his face when he sees the nickname from Adam. He mumbles something about fucking nicknames making him blush like a girl, as he reads the rest of the letter.

He keeps the letter with him for a few days, reading it over and over. He has never had anyone ever care for him like this. Not even Isaac.

Tommy knows he needs to tell Adam a lot. He just hopes this way it’s easier.

 _  
Adam,   
_

_You asked me why I hate my family. So of course it made me think about it. I don’t even know when it started, but it seems like it was always there. What kid really hates their parents, right? Or anyone in the family, really. But no, it was anger when my mom wouldn’t tell me about my dad. And when I was finally being bounced between the two houses, it just got worse. I hated being away from my friends at my mom’s house. I was never around my dad’s house enough to really make any friends. I was bored and mad that I was stuck there with my grandparents who seemed to watch my every move. I couldn’t even piss without them asking where I was going. I don’t know why they never trusted me. I think it might have had something to do with my mom. I know they can’t stand her. They might have thought they were being quiet when they were talking about her, but I always heard it._

 _So I figured, what’s the point in listening to anything they say, right? They are just going to think what they already think. They had their perfect grandson, they didn’t need me. I heard those whispers too, about how I was a pain in the butt for them to have at the house all the time. How my dad never helped out with the food. I saw the looks they gave me, like they wished I was never around. Dad was never around to stand up for me either. I just took it all, the bitching about the looks and turned it into hate. Just what you want to teach a kid, huh? You know, they bitched the most when he would take off and leave me with them, most of the times I didn’t even know he was gone until hours later._

 _I can’t even tell you how many times I had to beg my dad to do something with me when I was younger. I mean it like the classic father son thing, going fishing, right? You think he would take me? Fuck no. He took my uncle all the fucking time and left me home not even caring what I was doing. Guess he figured my grandma was there so I would turn out okay._

 _Too bad I didn’t._

 _No matter what I did, dad and mom both didn’t give a shit. They went on with their lives like I was not around. Like I was the big bother that they should have never had. Unless of course, they wanted to be the perfect parents and impress someone. Only then was I good enough for their time. Well, mom more than dad. It was like a fucking game she liked to play or something. Get the kids together, everyone looking nice and going to a family reunion or out to dinner where everyone she knew would be there. One Christmas she drug me and my sister to some party to impress some people she worked with. She lost us in the crowd the minute she had the booze in her hand. She had her kids around and her husband who never left her side. I got pretty wasted at that party too, but of course mom had no idea, she was off on her own._

 _As I got older, Dad didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I would run the streets, stealing little things sometimes, just to see if I could get away with it. I got really good with snaking clear booze from my grandparent’s house. You know how easy it is to fill the bottle up with water and not have anyone have a clue you are watering down their shit? Most of the time I told dad I was over at Casey’s house. Sometimes I was, but a lot of the times I was spending the night with some random fuck I met at a party. When all of your friends don’t give a shit about school, there is always a party somewhere. And in the summer, even more._

 _Casey was cool and covered for me, not that they ever came looking for me. Actually, I don’t think that Casey ever did have to cover for me. Fuckers just didn’t give a fuck._

 _I guess the only good thing other than Casey was Isaac. Well, he was good when it started. We met at some party, both drunk off our asses and horny as shit. It didn’t take us long to end up in a room somewhere, fooling around. That was how most of my time at the parties was spent. Sometimes it was a guy, sometimes a girl. It just kind of depended on my mood._

 _So anyway, me and Isaac hooked up, didn’t think any more about it until the new guy shows up at the gas station the next day. Of course it’s Isaac._

 _It was weird at first, but after a while we became friends and figured what the fuck and gave dating a try._

 _I spent as much time at Isaac’s house as I did at Casey’s house. All that time I spent there and no one from my fucking family ever even asked about him, wanted to meet him or anything._

 _I let him get close to me. I let him get closer than anyone else ever had, even Casey._

 _Until I found him in bed with some other guy._

 _So, you can see why it’s hard for me to trust anyone. I have only had Casey. Even when it comes to my little sister, I have doubt. I guess I am just worried that mom is putting bull shit in her head. Yet somehow I still have hope for us. No one knows all this, not even Casey. Maybe I should be worried that I am sharing so much with you so fast, but somehow I feel right about it._

 _I’m staying out of trouble. Carlos is gone, and Jay is the new leader, if you can even call him that. I think he is scared of me without Carlos to back him up. It’s kind of nice._

 _I’ve been talking more with Jeff. I don’t know if it’s helping or not, but hey, it’s at least talking._

 _I miss you, baby boy._

 _~Tommy_

Tommy rereads the letter a few times before finally sealing it up. He is nervous about sharing that much with Adam. He just hopes he doesn’t regret it.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divideroneline.png)  
“Oh baby” Adam mumbles to himself after reading the letter from Tommy.

It was hard to read. Even without all the details, Adam can’t imagine how someone could do that to Tommy. Everything in his body just wants to run to Tommy and make it better for him.

Adam starts to understand more, the way Tommy was left to fend for his own, forgotten by everyone who was supposed to care for him.

  
_Tommy,_   


_I don’t even know how many times I read your letter, wishing I could just come make it better for you. I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. All I can really say is that I’m not them._

 _I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make you believe how special you are, that the life you have had is not what you deserved. You deserve so much more. I was thinking about when we get out of here. When I can finally hear you play your guitar for me. I’m working on a song for you. I can see us sitting around, you playing and me singing and it makes my days better, not as long, I guess. Really, I see us doing a lot together when I think about us. I want to hold you and let you be yourself. I want to help you be the person you were always meant to be. I want to hold your hand as you reach the dreams you never even knew you had. But mostly, I want to be by your side no matter what happens._

 _My grandparents have been together since high school. Not that it matters, but they taught me how to love, how to accept someone even with their faults. Baby, I know you are not perfect and I don’t want you to be. I’m not perfect either. But I want to learn to love you for everything that you are. I just hope that you will give me that chance. It makes my heart hurt reading what you have been through. But you are so strong getting through all of this. And it leads you to me, so for that I will always be thankful for. Not happy, but you know…_

 _My parents came by to see me yesterday. They are accepting the gay son thing a lot better than before. I guess Mom and Dad have been talking to some friends about it and have been reading more about it. Mom told me she just wants me back home, that she misses me. I think she regrets sending me here, but she will never say it. Dad didn’t say much about it, but I can tell he is taking it better._

 _I told them about you. How you are this amazing person who has had a shitty life. I told them why you were here, how your grandmother set you up. Mom is a little worried about it, but she said they are going to let me make my own decisions about it, as long as I don’t do anything stupid again. I told them about your love of music and that made Dad laugh. He said only I could find another music lover in juvy. I did leave out the part about you being sexy and the things I really want to do to you when we are finally alone. I thought that might be pushing things a little too far._

 _I just wish I could hold you, let you feel how much I care for you._

 _Take care of yourself, my little fire cracker…._

 _~Adam_

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divideroneline.png)  
Tommy walks into his meeting with Jeff and gets a letter handed to him. It’s the first time that Jeff has actually handed it to him and Tommy feels his face blush a little. It’s not like there is anything wrong, writing to Adam, but something about Jeff just handing him the letter makes him feel weird.

He talks to Jeff about his family. He has been sharing more and more. He is trying, for Adam, to get things out. Tommy just hopes Adam appreciates it. He really does _not_ like talking about feelings with anyone. He has told Jeff some shit that not even Casey knows. And Casey knows just about everything.

When Tommy finally makes it back to his room, he can’t believe the words he reads. Adam told his parents about him. That makes this all more real than Tommy realized.

It takes Tommy a few days before he can write Adam back.

  
_Adam,_   


_You told you parents? About me? Like really? I just... I don’t know, I just can’t get my head around it._

 _I’m glad they are taking things better for you. You don’t deserve the crap they gave you, let alone the crap I get from my parents. And um, thank you very much for not going into more detail with your dad. If I ever meet him, I would like to not turn scarlet red, thank you very much._

 _What about your brother? Have they brought him to see you? I know you said that you and him were not super close, but I would imagine you miss him. I know I miss my sister. She is the only one I ever miss, the only one I ever really think about. I hate that she is stuck with my dumb ass mother. I can only hope that she is safe with her dad. How he ever fell for some drug addict like my mom is beyond me, but at least he seems pretty clean._

 _You know that was the worst thing growing up, being away from Jess. I never got to really be a big brother to her. Sometimes I wonder if mom wrote me off years ago and didn’t want me around to get to know Jess. I just hope that when Jess is 18, she gets the fuck out of there and someplace better for her._

 _Time for me to meet with Jeff, I want to give him this._

 _I miss you, baby boy…_

 _~Tommy_

Tommy finds Jeff in his office waiting for him. He zones out during most of their meeting for the first time in weeks.

All he can think of is Adam.

[   
](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider3line.png)

Tommy isn’t really counting the days looking for a letter from Adam but after three days he is starting to wonder.  
Usually Adam is so fast with a reply. Tommy is sure it is his school work or something that has him distracted from writing.

After a week Tommy is a little worried. Maybe Jeff has just forgotten that he has a letter for him. He will just ask him at his next meeting, yes that is it.

Jeff doesn’t have one.

At two weeks Tommy stops talking to Jeff. What was the point of sharing? He is really doing this for Adam. He doesn’t care what other people think about his fucked up life, but he does care about what Adam thinks. And since Adam thinks it’s a good idea for Tommy to get this stuff out, he has been trying. But now… he just doesn’t care.

After three weeks, Tommy is heartbroken and feeling deserted. Adam promised he would stick by him no matter what. But no, Tommy shared his feelings and then Adam ran. Tommy can’t really blame him. He knows he is fucked up, why would anyone want to be involved with that? Adam can go live his happy life and forget all about the kid he met in juvy. It’s not like Tommy wants to be a rescue case.

At 25 days, not that Tommy is counting, he is pissed. If Adam didn’t want anything anymore, he could have at least told Tommy. Not just dropped him like he was trash.

Just like everyone else in his life had.

Jeff notices that change and keeps pushing Tommy. But he just sits there like before. It’s just another hour he is forced to be around someone he doesn’t want to share anything with. Tommy is an ass whenever he is around anyone other than his roommate. Not that he likes him, but it’s best to not be an ass where you sleep. Tommy learned that his first week here.

The newbies scatter when they see Tommy heading their way. He hasn’t fought with anyone, well not with his fists. But he has had enough verbal fights to last him a lifetime in the last few weeks.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider2line.png)  
Tommy lies in bed, thinking about how maybe he is trash, never meant to be happy or have anything good in his life. He is sure his current roommate, whose name he can’t ever remember anyway, was talking to him a bit ago, but he really doesn’t care. Why bother making any small talk, it’s all bull shit. He never wanted a friend in here anyway. But no, Adam pushed and Tommy fell for it all. The kind words, the smile that lit up the room, the caring attitude. And then what does Adam do? Leave him just like everyone else.

“People fucking suck!” he mumbles to an empty room.

“That includes me?” Tommy’s head snaps up to see Jeff standing in his doorway.

“Why are you even here? Don’t you have to supervise visitations?”

“Yeah, well if you would have paid attention to Branson then I wouldn’t have to come get you out of bed. You have a visitor.”

“I don’t want to see them.” Tommy can’t even image who it might be. And other than his lawyer no one ever came to see him anyway. He really does not need to hear from his grandma and aunt how much of a loser he is, he already knows that.

“I’m pretty sure you do. Now get moving.” Jeff says with a smirk on his face.

Tommy follows Jeff down to the visitation room with a scowl on his face. He is not sure why Jeff is so sure he needs to see whoever is here to fuck with him, tell him how much he sucks. It’s probably his mom who wants to look like the good parent who visited her troubled child in juvy. She deserved that smack across the face he gave her.

When they get to the room, Tommy looks up seeing a face he never expected.

“Adam?” he is so stunned he can’t even move.

“Not who you expected, huh? Go talk to him, okay?” Jeff smiles as he walks away, leaving Tommy still in the doorway.

Tommy walks over to Adam with a questioning look on his face. Of all the people, he never expected to see Adam here.

“You… but… how?” Tommy stutters out, still shocked to see Adam in front of him in street clothes.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know until the day it was happening that I was getting out early. I met with my counselor in the morning and was out of here by lunch. I asked her to tell Jeff, but apparently she never did. I’ve been home for a few weeks now. I got your last letter and then left the next day. I should have written, but I wanted to come here instead and I thought you would know what happened.” Adam rushes out in one breath, like Tommy might turn and run any second.

“You are free and you still came to see me? But why?”

“I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.” Adam and Tommy sit down so their hands are blocked when Adam reaches down to slide his fingers over Tommy’s fingers. “Those were not just lines I was giving you in my letters, baby. I want to really get to know you. I want us to be happy. _Both_ of us.”

“I don’t even. I thought you deserted me just like everyone else. You just stopped writing and I never even thought you got out. I was so fucking pissed at you. I kinda feel like an ass now. I never even thought you got out early.  
But I’m really glad to see you. Fuck I have missed you.”

Adam and Tommy spend the rest of the time talking about little things and Adam’s adjustment to being in the real world again.

[](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider2line.png)  
Tommy starts to look forward to visitation. Adam comes back every week. It’s not a long time they get to spend together every week, but it’s better than the letters. Tommy listens to Adam tell him stories of what he does all week long. Adam talks about his friends and Tommy starts to feel like he knows them as well. Tommy feels like he spends his week just going through the motions of the day while he is waiting for visitation day.

Tommy is getting closer and closer to his release date. He knows this and won’t talk about it any time Adam brings it up. Why dwell on the fact that he has nowhere to go? He won’t go back to his grandparents’ house. And he is not going to give his mom the satisfaction of asking her so she can play the saviour. Tommy has noticed that Adam is pushing more and more about where he is going to go, what he is going to do, that kinda of thing.

“But you need to think about it, Tommy. You can’t just wander the streets once you are released.” Adam looks at him with concern in his eyes.

“I’m not gonna talk about it. Tell me about your week. Tell me something happy. I won’t wanna think about my fucked up family.” It’s always the same answer and Tommy knows it gets to Adam, but he won’t back down.  
Maybe he should write to Casey. He is pretty sure he can stay there for a while. Or maybe he can stay in Scott’s basement. He was pretty cool about Tommy crashing there once in a while.

Either way Tommy is not thinking about it right now. He would much rather listen to Adam tell him about the horrible thing his brother did last week.

[   
](http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/betafrog/Fic%20Pics/?action=view&current=divider3line.png)

The morning of Tommy’s release he is nervous and jittery. He never heard back from Casey and has no idea where he is going to go. There is some homeless shelter down the street he can crash at if he has to, but he really does not want to.

He meets with Jeff in the morning. The final meeting that Tommy has been looking forwards to for just way too long, has finally come.

“You are going to do good, Tommy. Just remember you are better than this place, better than the things that lead you here…” Tommy tunes Jeff out as he gives, what Tommy assumes, is his normal do good don’t come back here speech. “…so yeah, well here are your clothes. Go change and I’ll come get you in a bit.”

“Thanks, ya know, for yeah...”

Tommy leaves to change so he can finally get out of this hell.

He is sitting on his bed when Jeff comes to get him. He walks through the halls never looking back. It’s not like some huge life changing moment now that Tommy can freely walk through the doors like it is in the movies. Jeff says bye and sends him on his way.

With his notebooks in his arms and only his clothes on his back, he makes his way past the parking lot, not even hearing someone calling out his name.

He gets half way down the block when a car pulls up to the curb, blocking him from crossing the street.

“What the fuck, man?” He spits out to the ass behind the wheel that seems to have no concern for someone walking. He walks behind the car attempting again to cross the street when someone reaches out grabbing his arm.

“Dude! What the fuck is your problem?” Tommy shouts out as he balls up his fist ready for a fight. Just as he turns to punch the ass hole in the face, Tommy gets a look at his face. “Adam? Fuck are you trying to kill me? Dude, I almost hit you!”

“Well if you would look up when someone is shouting your name, we wouldn’t have this problem. Now get in the car. You are coming home with me.”

“I’m doing what? No. I can’t. I mean, no way. I can’t…”

Adam leans down silencing Tommy with a small kiss. “You are. Mom and Dad are going to let you stay in the spare room. Just for now, until we can get our own place.”

“Why?”

“I’m never letting you go, my little firecracker.”

Tommy lets Adam pull him into the car with a smile he is sure is not going to leave his face anytime soon. With Adam’s arms around him, he finally feels like he is going someplace where he belongs.  



End file.
